Moving back to Logandale has been a roller coaster of emotions for me. As much as I love it here and am thankful for the job Kasey has right now, this is not where we were expecting to be. I find myself being unappreciative for all of our blessing and wishing things were exactly how I would plan them in my little fairy tale book in my head. Why do I do this. Can I be happy for my wonderful life and sad for myself at the same time? I feel I am teetering on the border. We really miss Utah so much. Our wonderful friends, the beautiful landscape, change of season and so on. I keep thinking that I just need to be grateful that my husband has a good job. I don't have to stress about how I am going to buy diapers for our expectant child. We don't have to stress about putting food on the table or paying our bills and this has been the center of our world for the past three years so this is a much needed and sought after change. Then why don't I appreciate it like I should. I don't know. I keep telling myself that The Lord gave us this thing we have been praying for for so long and now I am just complaining because he did. How do I get past this and just appreciate where I am and what I have right now? I am really trying to change my frame of mind but for some reason I just can't. I am just rambling now but I have been feeling all this and I don't know how to deal with it. I guess I just need to get down on my knees and pray.
11.03.2009
Gratitude
Lately I have been feeling so blessed in my life. It seems like everything is going so good for us these days. Kasey has a great job. We have 2 healthy beautiful children and another on the way. I have an amazing husband who I love more than words can express. He puts up with me and loves me in spite of all my flaws and issues. He is the most amazing father I could ever ask for. I knew he would be. I think that is one of the major things that attracted me to him. I mean besides his obvious good looks =). Sometimes I find myself just waiting for the bubble to pop. Like what is going to happen next. Life is just to good right now. Is something bad going to happen? But at the same time I find myself feeling a bit sad.
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5 comments:
Oh Audrey! Don't be so hard on yourself for not feeling completely content... I think we all feel that way from time to time. Who knows what the future holds. Maybe Utah is in your future- or maybe something even better ! We miss you guys!
I hear ya there girl. i find myself feeling the same feelings. Trent and I will be moving back in a few years. I just never expected to settle there either. He will have a wonderful job. And family is near, but I love it here in Provo. I love being able to be our own family. Plus being a photographer and all I just can't imagine where I will take photos in bland old Logandale. Thanks for doing this post, it made me not feel so alone. Do you know what you are having yet?
i think everyone feels like this at some point or another. don't they always say that life is what happens while you're busy making plans? i was just complaining about our life to myself last night too : )
a quick remedy? service. always gets me feeling better in no time.
I know exactly how you feel. We were praying for the same thing,(good job) but never did I think it would take us to Vernal. Now I think "why are we here, I miss family"...instead of being grateful for so many great things that have happened. I am glad that I am not alone in my crazy thinking. Don't be so hard on yourself...and who knows where life will take you. Enjoy the little things.
Ahhhh you are soo sweet!! Don't worry I think it is very normal.... I mean really look at all of us old neighbors here in Utah and what a awesome group of folk we are.....I mean really how could you not miss us even when you do have everything goin for you there!! haha Just teasin....if it makes you feel any better things are not the same....no get togethers....no late night game nights....a lil desolate actually lol....or they could still go on and maybe I am just out of the loop!! lol Anyways....we freakin miss you guys and miss your angel voices....good times...good memories!! But we are sooo happy that the blessings of heaven are pouring down upon you guys...you guys definately deserve every bit of it!! Keep in touch girlie
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